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 Advanced Loop Line Analysis
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by phlux : phlux@fucktelus.com


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Disclaimer: If you perform any of the acts described in this text you
            may die. (and i will not be held responsible)


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  /        _____________                                                '
           Introduction;                                               /
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This file pertains to Loops in the form of wiring, commonly called 
a pair, the twisted pair, or just the "line" and/or "phone line".

Normally Analyzing a loop requires a 250$ multimeter from Radio Shack
with a serial cable(phlux style anyways), or a toner/probe set, 
and other tools, which are usually expensive.

One can easily overcome this with a telephone patch cable, or even just
an RJ-11 mod(female) jack(jill?) on your wall.

By simply touching the ring(red) and tip(green) wires on your tongue,
a short is created, and your tongue is the load in some sense. If the
pair that you analyzed is onhook, you will feel a zap, and the area of 
your tongue that you electrocuted will be numb for a bit.

When a line is idle (onhook) there is generaly 40~volts across ring and 
tip, and you will learn to 'taste' this.

If an extension on the pair is off hook, there will generaly be around
9~ volts on the pair. There is only a mild sensation (on my pair anyways)
much like licking a 9 volt battery at full capacity.

You will easily be able to tell the difference as to wether or not your
line is idle or not, by the self inflicted electrocution. With a powerful
short, your reflexes act faster then your hand, and your head will pull
back as you remove the wires/mod jack from your tongue. Keep this in mind
when licking raw terminals from an open baseboard style mod jack setup.
(with 2 lines and 4 terminals in those little plastic boxes, this can
 be a challenge.)

This technique is also good for testing the integrity of Radio Shacks
"WebLock Phone Lock" part #279-8511 where there is a single female mod
jack on a surface wall mount plate with a physical key lock as the
on/off switch. If it is determined that there is no current, one can 
quickly unscrew the cover and rewire.

I find this technique a lot faster then most conventional methods, and 
therefore it is suited for the field.

One thing you need to keep in mind is that the voltage across the pair
when the line is being rung, it is around 90volts. If you were just
touching a pair with 90 volts going through, i'm sure you would be fine,
however your tongue is a better conducter then your skin.

ASCII diagram of a tongue and the taste buds(guideline):
(grade 7 science rules!)
 
 |xx         xx|
 |xx         xx|
 |xx         xx|
 |##         ##|
 |###       ###|
 'S#         #S
  'SSSSSSSSSS'
      ' - '
Legend:
the "x" 's denote taste buds that are sensitive to sourness
the "#" 's denote taste buds that are sensitive to saltyness
the "S" 's denote taste buds that are sensitive to sweetness

The middle portion of the tongue (Fillform papillae) are sensitive to
sour flavors. 

Personally i found the # region of the tongue to be the best portion to 
electrocute as it's not as sensitive as the very tip or frontal portion of 
the tongue. Keep this in mind if you don't want your tongue numbed...
(it really isn't that bad) A spare 9v can serve as practice.


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  /        ___________                                                  '
           Conclusion;                                                 /
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Licking a twisted pair and not a mod jack(if you do, make sure it's a
male one fag) allows for more control over the electrocution.
When you get good you will be able to grab any pair/patch/mod
and check its state and you may wonder how you did without.

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Notes:
-Avoid analyzing mod jacks, as it's harder to press your tongue into
 the slits, stay away from female mod connectors(resist!)

-Avoid analyzing foreign pairs as a ring could be fatal.

-During analysis, always avoid using the tip of the tongue.

-Stay away from digital lines, if in doubt the multimeter ye shall
 bust out.

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Extra Curicular: 
-Lick a toll stations pair
-Lick your girlfriends pair
-Lick a pair while pulse dialing


12/01/2001