WARNING: Before continuing, you absolutely MUST read ch4x's zines for this to make any sense. Besides, theres are even funnier. That sad thing is, they're not joking. ch4x: http://sdf.lonestar.org/~chax/ .------------------------------. | ch1x0rzh17 - izzue t00 | | canada fux0r | | | |------------------------------| | m3in k4mmpf!!!!! ??/??/??93| `------------------------------' [-word up, j0!-] j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0. \/\/3lcome2 anutha sc4ry l33t-o issu3 of ch1x0rzine. we'r3 hopin9 even m00r l337 ch1x0rz wi11 r3ad di5 z1n3 50 w3 c4n ge7 fux0red. 7h0, w3 can ju5t u5e 0ur l337 SE skillz t0 mak3 them h0rny and w4nt us !/ !/ !/ !/ ! ph33r 0ur pher0m0nes! * take time to notice our bad punkchuation and leet speeling skilz. Ph33r! * dis issue iz ev3n m0re wh4ckoffied that than that the than the fir5t issu3. dis m3ans we whack3d more stuffs int0 this isue than b4. ph33r 0ur m4d skillz. w3 whacked ev3n m0re f0r dis issue than las7 one! (How is dat p0ssible??).. Wh4ck0ffi3d. ph33r. 0w/\/3d. assman ( | ) - your phriendly nayb00rh00d f4ce sitter - { k 0 n t 4 c t u 5 . } on da l4nd of pr0n: http://www.angelfire.com/mo/ch4x/ on irc: (EFnet) #gaychat / #christian / #homo #kidpics / #daddysgirls *** n0te: assman's nick is gaystud316 on irc. *** { m e m b u u u u h z . } .---------------.----------------------------.-----------------------. | name | email | desc. | |---------------+----------------------------+-----------------------| | homos | homos@geocities.com | 31337 d00d | | ass man | assman@asslovershaven.com | 31337 d00d | | unzipj00rfly | -- | 31337 d00d | | m0f0 | -- | 31337 d00d | | rathead | rathead@shaw.wave.ca | sack itch | `---------------^----------------------------^-----------------------' : d00ds who couldnt pass the test th3y didnt kn0w they t00k: : ; - the whole ch4x k4n4t4 cr3w - ; | [better luck next time, fudgicles!!!!!] | `------------------------------------------------------------------' { y 3 l p s . } 31337 gr3wps w3 ph33r!/!/!/: None! W3'r3 31337~~||~|! Gr3wps we'd ph33r if we weren'7 so `leet: 2600 b4b0 NYNEX BellSouth HackCanada Telus (Big Tyme!) Microsoft! L0pht HNN CNN PBS Mr. Dressup fuck j00: demos, radead, all of ch4x, all primates, all plants, all rocks, all everyone, everybody, you, me, Max. DIE DIE DIE! HEIL! { m i s k . } j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0 j0! w3 do accept articles and members. Maybe s00ner or later, we'll get som3 skillz in our grewp.. Probably n0t. We're l00king for 5ome leet coding skillz; HTML c0ding skillz. all articles must b3 100% n0nsense and k0mpl3t3ly in l0wercase. Any philez using pr0per punkchuat- ion and speeling wi11 b3 ign0red. Ph33r. zend a11 articlez'z'z to assman@asslovershaven.com but don't PgP it cuz w3 s7ill ph33r PgP. .----------[ 4 r 7 i c l e . o n e ]------------. | "Man, oh man, does ch4x ever write stupid | | articles...God... How embarassing" - Wizbone | -----------[ duh ]- `-------------------------------------------------' h0w t0 g3t musclez. (assman) { 'trodukshun }-------------- many of my gay phriends on irc ask me, "Assman! Assman! Why are you such a scrawny little fuck??" Usually, I tell those people to phuck off and kick them out of my 31337 chan cuz they are just l4me hoes. But, for my R3AL good ch1x homies who give me banana milkshake enemas, I say "Cuz I don't get to eksercize my muscles like j00 all do, wh4cking off!" *** Thaz cuz 1 of my homies bit my weiner off, but thaz for anu7her leet text in the future *** DISKLAMER: I'm 31337, j00r not. Ph33r my files cuz I'm such an expert, this stuph k0uld kill j00! Ph33r! Ph33r! Tha disklamer is no j0ke. i kould kill any0ne anytim3! Right now! I c0uld kill j00 t00! just aft3r r3ading this! I k0uld kill! i 0nce killed a bik- er dis way. I was in a 7-11, drinking my card3d big-gu1p when a hot 60 yo chix0r walk3d in. I said "Hey, baby! Wanna fuck me like my m0mma?" she g0t a11 pissed off and shit and her biker engin33r dude fr0m the l0cal universi7y came in and p0unded the he11 0ut of m3. (i7 didn't hur7 tho, so d0n't ph333r for assman's lif3. my 4ss iz s7ill s4fe.) 7hen I pu11ed 0ut my l337-0 carded 8086 and said, "hey!! d00d!! L00k at dis!!" then I sh0wed him dis phil3 and it kill3d him. jus7 like d4t! so ph33r!!!!! s7age 0ne: M4sterb4t3. every0ne n0se, the fa5test way t0 get muscles is to wh4ck0ff. Daz why we at ch1x have such big muscles. (cept me). 50, go find 50me gaypr0n, and wh4ck, wh4ck, wh4ck!!! if s0me0n3 rap3d j00r bandwidth, d0n't ph33r j00 kan still us3 j00r l337 imaginati0n like all ch1x d00ds have. after j00r done whacking. (this should take about half a s3cond). g0 look in da mirr0r f0r about an h0ur or tw0. j00r eg0 is what also make5 big musc1es. s7age tw0: l00king st00pid l00king sc4ry is wh4t every0ne expectz. s0, don't. l00k st00pid. dat way, peepz will s33 j00 and say, "Whoa! Dat d00d is weird and shit." alzo p33k ar0und c0rners and l00k scary. h3re are s0me st00pid p0ses: 1. 2. O_| 3. / \ / \ /`\ these are 3xact asc11 rendishunz of my l337 s7atur3. 1. ch3ck out my sagging imp1an7s. 2. waving t0 my g4y IRC h0neys/w0rshipping th4 firs7 h4x0r - hi7l3r. 3. scra7ching my h3ad and rubbing my p3nix. s7age tr33: Tha end Thaz all I k4n tell j00, 0therwise j00 migh7 ki11 m3. "silly rathead, dicks are for chicks!" -----------------------------------------------------------[ endz ]------- .--[ a r t i c l e . t 0 0 ]---------------. | Stop it! | | So, you really are gay, then? | | goddammit! fuck off! | | That's a yes? |-----------------[ duh duh ]- | Leave me alone!!! | `--------------------------------------------' r00ting l4me s3rv3rz. (homos) -turn tha 0ther cheek and j00'll miss my mouth- dudes! i'll b3t j00've alwayz wunderd h0w to r00t a l4me s3rv3r. right? 0fcourse. s0 like, here's h0w. firs7 j00 targ3t a s3rver. l3t's s4y, anEE s3rv3r. h0w ab0ut hackcanada.c0m? ja... they'r3 l4me. th3y c0py 0ur leet t3xt philezz. th3y d0n't ev3n kn0w tha7 we invented th4 canad1an r3db0x t0ne. we're 3ven su1ng b3ll c4n4d4 cuz th3y b3 usin' 0ur t0n3z f0r the1r 0wn sys7emz. bu7 w3're g0nna d3al wi7' dem af7er w3 0wn h4ckc4nad4. n0w r00ting a s3rver isn'7 as 3asy as jus7 d0wnloading th4 p4ssw0rd phile and unshad0wing it. j00 hav3 to use a l337 telnet client and telnet to da server. if j00 do n0t kn0w how to do dis, d0n't ph33r, me neeth3r.my momma sh0wed m3. Now, j00'll get a sc4ry pr0mpt like di5 or something. ******************************************************** **** Welcome to hackcanada's remote access host **** **** If this is ch4x, sorry, we're still not 0wned. **** **** ph33r. **** ******************************************************** login:_ bu7 d0n't w0rry. there iz n0 need to ph33r. this is just secret c0mputer language f0r, "whaz j00r name, homie?" n0w, c0mputerz aren'7 smar7 1ike uz, s0 th3y ju5t assume 3veryb0dy iz a homie. t3ll tha c0mputer j00r name. my homiez alw4yz c4ll m3 'r00t'. s0, i uze dat. n0w i7 sh0uld l00k lik3 dis. ******************************************************** **** Welcome to hackcanada's remote access host **** **** If this is ch4x, sorry, we're still not 0wned. **** **** ph33r. **** ******************************************************** login:r00t password:_ itz a g00d id3a to try 4ll kindz 0f thingz h3r3. 4ft3r4ll th4 c0mputer thinkz j00're a homie, s0 j00 k4n try anyth- ing. i tri3d thingz lik3 my gr3wps n4me and s0me of my homie's handl3z. th3y sh0uld w0rk. if n0t, th3n thaz just a r3al l4me s3rv3r. g3t mad, and p33k ar0und s0me c0rners d4t alw4y5 h3lpz m3. n0 w0rries, if j00 try l0ng enough, guessing st00pid shit dat th4 adminz n3v3r gu3ssed j00'd b3 dumb 3nough to try, j00're b0und to g3t in. i m3an, th3y w0uld pick zhit th3y w000d n3v3r exp3ct j00 to try. th4z wh47 h4x0ring iz reeeelly ab0ut. 4nd r3memb3r. ph33r!!!! ---------------------------[ d0n't ph33r 'tiz 0ver ]---------- .-----------------------------. | and now for some homosexual | -----------------------------------------| lies and sack-likkin'! | `-----------------------------' Why ch1x is a l337-o addictive substitute for g4y pr0n -Deads0u| f00led, j00. didn't i? j00 reelly th0t der3 wuz a subztitut3 f0r g4y pr0n? h4! dr3am 0n, sucka! ch1x iz a very kl0se s3c0nd th0!!!!!!!!!! While phrack ophers some pretty g00d info'mation (though the inphos is hard f0' me an' mah homiez to understand) it is t00 formal and hetero and not enough butt-booglery is put into the zine. dey pack (0000h, baby) the text files together, and don't tink ab0ut making it s0 me an mah homiez g3t all excit3d and zhi7. B4B0 is the exact opposite, it has too much ass buggery, and not enough gonad-gulpin'! yum! s0, j00 h4ve 0wnly 0ne ch0ice. 0wn dubblej00-dubblej00-dubblej00-dot-hackkanada-d0t-k0m. 3very0n3 wh0 is l337 0wns d3m. ph33r. they're sti11 pr377y 31337 for s7eeling phil3z & kopyin9 d3m 2 0ur zine. pr3tty n3at h0w we write d3m af7er de' 'av3 a1r3ady b33n wri77en. ph33r 0ur plagiarizt sk1llz. ph33r! ph33r! ph33r! ph33r! ph33r! ph33r! ph33r! ph33r! ph33r! ph33r! > ( | ) welp, k4n't 4rgue wi7h da' tr00t'... 'cept for m4ybe that part < > about uz 5teelin9 hackcanada inphoz... ahem... w3'd n3ver d0 dat. < > *cough, ahem*...j00 g3tz speci4l sp4nk sezzionz fo' d4t, deads0u|. < .--[ 4 r 7 i c 1 e . t r 3 3 ]----------. |"mummy, come quick! the sheep are raping | | me" | | - homos, while drunk on kool-aid. |--------------------[ duh^3 ]- `-----------------------------------------' 'r337 r3db0xin'!/!/!/! -m0f0 3vry h4ck3r kn0ze dat in order t0 b3 31337, j00 have 2 0wn a redbox. 3v3r0n3 ph33rz this b0x cuz they all think it's h4rd to m4ke. it's r3ally n0t, but j00 h4ve t0 be l337 lik3 me ta' d0 dis zhi7. fir5t, j00 can whi5tle da t0nes. dis is very l33t and t4kes many skillz to accomplish. So, uvc00rse, 3very0ne in ch1x k4n d0 it. takez big lipz wit' much con7ro1 ovah dem. ph33r. j00 kan pr4ctise 0n j00r homie 5kin flu7e. 4ll uv ch1x pr4cti5es 0n me. bu7, if j00r a ghett0 homey, like i us3d ta b3, j00 can also use j00r ghe77o blast3r. bi99er iz b3tta'. g3t tha bigg3st ugliest b00m b0x j00 k4n! p4wn shops w3rk b3st. tru5t m3, mah momma sh0ps dem placez fo' mah clothez. n0w, what j00 d0 is 0pen up j00r b0x. it wi11 l00k lik3 dis in5id3: /-------\ =============//-------\\=============== ||o o|| || /-\ /-\ || || | # | jkdfhgkjdhgkjhsd | # | || <---- dig dem' l337 ascii skillz, homes. || \_/ \_/ || ||o 0 0 o|| ============================================= Now, wh4t j00 w4nna d0 is s0lder 0n a micr0phone 0nto the third 'j'. n0w, pu7 in tha ba77eries b4ckwards. ah' sh00dn'7 haft4 explain dis', bu7 in c4se ah' d0, j00're pre77y dumb, homey. 3very0ne kn0ze th4t a mic iz ju5t a b4ckwardz sp33ker. sinc3 j00're g0nna be rek0rding, j00 h4ve t0 g3t th4 rec0rding funkshun. wunc3 dat iz a11 s0lder3d 0n. ph33r. cuz n0w itz time to g3t j00r tones. 50me peepz d0wnload d3m off da net bu7, 3v3ry0ne knoze dat th0se h4ve b33n editted bi da fedz'z'z'z'z. Now, what j00 do is h00k j00r st3rio up to da payphone (j00 shood bee leet 'nuff ta' kn0w h0w.) pu7 in a dime, wile j00r rec0rding s0wnds frum da' payf0ne. Wy n0t a kwartur tone, j00 a5k? cuz dey're t0 f4st 0r sumtin'. shutup! i'm tryin9 ta teech! n0w, pu7 0ne 0f j00r ba77eries in backwardslike and p- ress play. dis iz a R33L qwartur tone. pr377y tricky uv bell, eh? ooooooooooh. i ph33r n0w. j00'd b3tta too it'z th3 31337 'ting ta do. Now, prezz play and cool stuff happenz! i'm n0t shur3 ju5t what, bu7 j00 sh0uld g3t phr33 s3x from da 0perat0r. n33t stuph. mayb3 0ne day if ah' get offa mah fat ass, i'll 7ry s0me o' dis shi7. h4ppy b0xing, homie-g. ----------------------------[ down wit dat, homie? ]---------- .--[ t h a e n d . . ]----------. | | | "whatchoo talkinb0ut, wiz???!" | | -m0f0 |--------------------[ thpbpbp ]- `-----------------------------------------' ph33r ch1x, d00ds!! tha 3nd. n0w kiddeez always r3m3mb3r dis tha n3xt tim3 j00 w4nna m4ke a fukkin' j0ke of a zine. Go outside now. Look at the sunshine. Stare at the sun. Burn out your retinas. Ph33r Telus. [ch1x iz d00ds wit'out dix!]