******************************************** ******************************************** **** <<<<<<<<<===NET.SCANDAL===>>>>>>>> **** **** **** ******************************************** ******************************************** ****************************************** ******************************** ========================================================== A weekly compendium of funny, irritating, and obnoxious ascii from the outer limits of the Internet ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *VOL:2* NUMBER 2, APRIL 14,1994, NO RIGHTS RESERVED TORONTO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (make very clear to the publishers your interest in receiving all 52 issues of NET.SCANDAL over the next year) <<<<<<<<<<<====NET.SCANDAL=====>>>>>>> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The following "scathe" sets this issue's theme into eternal motion, ---from the acute perception of Christopher J Burian re-NET WHINERS "It's the same infantile attitude displayed by bozo parents who don't discipline their children and blame the public schools for moral breakdown. We're becoming a nation of imbiciles, stuck at the emotional maturity of 5-yr olds" =========================================================== ============================================================ *HEADLINE: HISTORIC MEETING BETWEEN ABDUL THE ELECTRONIC GORDON DOMM AND DR. JOE BAPTISTA THE SECOND CUP MANIFESTO, downtown Toronto. On a rainy April evening this week, the editor had the unbelievable fortune of being invited to take the minutes of a meeting between two of the countries top ethics watchdogs. I received a hurried telephone call around 6:00 pm on Sunday. The details of the meeting were to begin at 9:00 pm, and I had to prepare myself for the event. It was to be a cyberW.A.R. (We Are Right) planning session against authority. These elusive artists were seated when I arrived. Also present was Abdul's partner. The meeting started off with the standard introductions and generous cups of steaming hot java. The air was electric! The briefcases were bulging. Abdul the Electronic Gordon Domm, journalist,spellbreaker, ban challenger and all 'round good fellow. The soft spoken 6 foot+, 200 pound Abdul outlined some of the recent activities that have occured as a result of his work. He has openly invited the overweight Attorney General and her henchmen to pay him a visit to get to the bottom of all of this FAQ nonsense. I queried him about the following recent post in Ont.Gen. Quote----| "It's apparent that the AG doesn't care to visit me (yet, or IMHO anytime in the future). I'm thinking that even if I faxed the AG with my full name, address, phone number and a map on how to get to where I live, with alternates for rush hour, they would still leave me alone." "Have there been any changes to this situation?" I asked. Due to an electronic "Homer Simpson/(fax glitch), the Abdul's edited Teale/Homolka FAQ inadvertently ended up in the sweaty hands of the overweight Attorney General.at her office, once again making it clear the ban is useless and it's maintenance a huge waste of taxpayer dollars. Net rumors concede that the ban has cost $1 billion in administration (police, publicity payoffs, file preparation, court costs, legal fees, pampered criminal concessions for the guilty Homolka and the accused Bernardo) to date. This naturally created a sizzling flame between the conservative keyboard activists (the smiling assassins) and those actually dissenting. Predictably, much hilarity ensued. "To this date there has been no charges laid against any active ban buster on the Internet. It's simply not part of the equation, further proof of the embarrassed position that the Attorney General has assumed. " She is concerned about the publicity hampering her position in the upcoming election. Dr. Joe, sporting stethoscope and "outback" fedora, assumed his usual composed and learned demeanor. He suggested the idea of polling for a demonstration at the office of the AG. by those Canadians who feel strongly that this ban may be the beginning of a long and hard fought battle against government censorship on a broad level. "We are in the process of initiating programs against government." stated the good doctor. "If we don't, we'll find out only too soon that our personal lives are continually monitored, in a manner similar to this debacle." "What are they afraid of?" asked Joe. "Isn't this just another crime?" For the next twenty minutes, they exchanged histories, Abdul pointing out that he is graduating with a degree in journalism. All of this is a preparation for his journalistic career. Dr. Joe explained in detail the escapades inspired by his challenging Metro Police Chief Bill McCormack to a duel. Dr. Joe claims he is now preparing a another blockbuster activist prank. The initiation of a mass demonstration is presently in the works. Activist Dr. Joe feels that a strong statement to the bureaucrats is long overdue. Abdul suggested contacting Gordon Domm himself, to head up the campaign. Some of the details of this meeting are simply too sensitive to discuss in this journal. There was an exchange of controversial newspaper clippings and several documents associated with their position. The editor feels that there is a very strong possibility that if left unchecked, our government will "rogue" itself into "Big Daddy", keeping itself in place with scare tactics that promise to punish dissenters. Reminds me of kindergarten. (Keep in mind these are elected servants, chickens laying eggs) Well, I wish I could spill the whole jar of wax, but that's life in Ontario. Furthers details could be transmitted at _any_ barbecue that any readers invite the doctors to. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Editors note: Recent Canada-wide news reports suggest the Homolka FAQ files on the Internet, in no way resemble the actual proceedings of the incident. My question is, why then has the government intervened at various servers in Ontario, to search for this FAQ? The article mentions a Buffalo NY address that offers a Homolka info booklet for $20.00 US is rumor. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ -------- *********** * The Media * *********** From A reader, OneNet San Francisco re- Rush Limbaugh's net address Limbaugh's mailbox is usually full. It is easiest to get through to him if you are on Compuserve. I've heard he sometimes screens out all mail from the internet. Luckily, he gets flamed pretty regularly. When his radio show was on CSPAN a while back, he almost obsessively checked his e-mail during the commercial breaks. From 9 to noon pacific time might be a good time to try and get something through. He almost never replies now. It was different a while back. He met his current live-in lover, codename Jaguar, though compuserve. She first sent him e-mail to complain about a liberal professor. Eventually, he flew down to Florida to meet her. The National Enquirer says he will marry her this June. She is in her early 30s, divorced and has given up custody of her two kids. ------| ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ *************************** * FOR THE ASPIRING JOURNALISTS * *************************** From: a reader (mail e...@planet.org for address) Subject: ARTICLES WANTED Date: Thu, 7 Apr 1994 15:56:10 GMT I'm looking for original article submissions. You may submit them via email, fax, or U.S. Mail. Please limit the length to 14,000 characters or less. Please include your name & address with the submission, as well as what contact information (if any) you'd like included with the article, if we choose to print it. The following points will help get you near the top of the publication list: 1) informative 2) well written 3) controversial 4) not about stuff you read in daily newspaper 5) more than one article along the above guidelines Additionally, if you have any 150 to 300 word blurbs along the same lines, for use on our radio show... send them along as well. We can't acknowledge receipt of any items, nor return anything. But, we'll let you know if we plan to use your article. ---------| +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ******** ** LAW ** ******** From: A Reader Subject: Homolka Opinion Acquits Wired Paul Teale's lawyer did originally ask for the ban. <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> <> ** Unedited ** Indexed as: R. v. Bernardo Between Her Majesty The Queen, and Karla Bernardo also known as Karla*Teale* [1993] O.J. No. 2047 Action No. 125/93 Ontario Court of Justice - General Division St. Catharines, Ontario Kovacs J. July 5, 1993. (77 pp.) [para5] Paul Bernardo Teale originally applied for a publication ban in the trial of Karla Bernardo Teale. The other intervenors before me, sought leave for standing to oppose that application for an order for a ban on publication brought by Paul Bernardo Teale. Paul Bernardo Teale then abandoned his application for a ban on publication in this trial. --------| +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ********* ***********Editorial********** ********* UNIX ANONYMOUS This week, the editor attended a meeting at the University of Toronto held by local Unix/NET heavies in the Toronto area. I was accompanied by Dr. Joe Baptista. The group calls themselves Unix Unanimous. It started out as an interesting forum of Unix development/support and general net discussion with twenty or so participants. Dr. Joe and the editor sat attentively at the back of the lecture room, listening intently to the discussion. Our interest in the meeting was to glean information for our proposed Internet gateway. We had no hidden agenda whatsoever in our blessed little hearts. The conversation meandered through an 'each participant introduces themself".. stating what their Unix interests were. Unknown to these gentlemen, Dr. Baptista was in their hallowed room. I had no idea the incident would turn into what it did when Dr. Joe introduced himself to the *shocked room, as DR. JOE BAPTISTA! Well you'd think the good Doctor had green skin and a purple eye from their reaction. The moderator, (who would not give his name on request) HAULED OFF AND PITCHED a large piece of chalk at full velocity towards Joe's head, barely missing his glasses. I was appalled at this behavior, as were a good portion of the other people in the meeting. The "pitcher/assassin", immediately paced the front of the group stating that he would not continue the meeting as long as the good Dr. Joe was in the room, hoping that the other participants would follow him in his tirade. Most of the participants showed sound judgement and remained seated content to finish the meeting regardless of the celebrated Dr. Joe. "Big deal" said one of the wiser participants. For the rest of the meeting, individuals craned their necks to keep on an eye on Dr. Joe, showing unwarranted paranoia. My God, who do they think the man is...Kubla Khan? Joe is considering a lawsuit against the U of T. The editor feels this a very rude way for a person(s) to behave. Here's a room full of net veterans, whom one would think had some insight into the human condition, spinning violently like tops from hades at the presence of a harmless but honest individual. In my forty four years on this earth, I have never witnessed behavior like the moderator of the meeting. Here's an active net administrator whining like a four year old at the presence of a neighbor in his sandbox. The question I ask is, Dr. Joe is accused of being .... QUOTE Dr. Baptista represents the single greatest threat to this next step in human evolution: (ed...pullease) Yet this supposedly responsible net administrator saw fit to violently attack someone because of their politics/humor, running willy nilly from the room upon questioning re-his name. What is he afraid of? Who really is a threat? Are the wars of the future to be those who would silence all dissent against those who want to live their life under their own jurisdiction? ============================================================= ********** **SPORTS** *********** [deleted] too boring +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ *************** * PERSONALS * *************** Well ladies and gentlemen, that's it for this week. I hope you didn't get a rash from the information presented in this edition of <<<<<<<<<===NET.SCANDAL===>>>>>>>>, see you next week! Be well ========================================================== <<<<<<<<<===NET.SCANDAL===>>>>>>>> will appear weekly.until I am buried,all replies to e...@planet.org To subscribe to NET.SCANDAL, send mail with your address with the agreement that the doctors and the editors would be welcome at all, or some of the barbecues that you intend to attend over the summer.