,,ggddY"""Ybbgg,, subversive literature ,agd888b,_ "Y8, ___`""Ybga, for subverted people! ,gdP""88888888baa,.""8b "888g, / ,dP" ]888888888P' "Y `888Yb, ,dP" ,88888888P" db, "8P"""" Installment 230 of... ,8" ,888888888b, d8" db. dP b. ,8' d88888888888,88 d$$$s. dP `8, - -- -THE NEO-COMINTERN ,8' 8888888888888" dP$$$$$s. dP 8. d' I8888888888P" dP `T$$$$$$dP `.d$$b. .d$$b. .d$$b..s$s 8 `8"88P""Y8P' dP `T$$$$P d$$$P dP' `$ dP' T$ dP' `TP' `T$ 8 Y 8[ _ " dP `T$P d$$$P dP dP dP dP dP dP 8 "Y8d8b dP dP :$ .$ $b. .dP dP dP dP 8 `"".dP dP `T$$P' `T$$P' dP dP dP Y, ,,odnd88b, ,b `8, ,d8888888baaa ,8' ELECTRONIC MAGAZINE- -- - `8, 888888888888' ,8' `8a "8888888888I a8' Writers: `Yba `Y8888888P' adP' ada "Yba `888888P' adY" `"Yba, d8888P" ,adP"' `"Y8baa, ,d888P,ad8P"' - - - - -``""YYba8888P""''===================------- -- - - - - MARCH 16, 2003 INSTALLMENT 230 BMC, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - FEATURED IN THIS INSTALLMENT: The Caffiene-Induced Version of The Road Less Traveled - ada - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - EDITOR'S NOTE - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - And here we have the rock star of The Neo-Comintern: our friend, our idol, our lover, and our oven. With her, language and philosophy are ingredients, mixed together in the proper amounts, and scorched on high heat within her very soul. The result is a feast of literature tastier than piping hot pizza. And speaking of pipes, be sure to pull out the bag, pack the bowl, and take a pull to this work of experience. - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - The Caffiene-Induced Version of The Road Less Traveled - ada - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - On this journey of self discovery I have discovered that self discovery is bullshit. Now I know what you're thinking -- all the great philosophers in the world were self discoverers and they discovered some great discoveries. I know because I studied philosophy for a semester. And on the days I did make it to that 11:30 class, I learned a lot about how philosophers think. Like about altruism... and how pancakes with just the right amount of maple syrup can get your day off to a super start. Unfortunately, what these philosophers won't tell you about is the millions of times they sat back in their lay-z-boy chairs with their thinking caps on and said "but why?" And not just why am I here and why did I go down this or that particular path. But why am I still here? In other words, why hasn't the pressure of this life sent me shooting off into the next one with a single gunshot? Yes my dears, even the ones you thought would have all the answers have proved you wrong. Isn't that just a kick in the ass. And to make matters worse, you were counting on someday taking that very same philosophy class as I did way back in my first year of university, weren't you? Well, I may not be a world traveler, but I am currently homeless, without an address or one bed that I call my own. Which means I am currently a wanderer, a drifter, a rolling stone if you will. And no, I don't have all the answers either. But along my provincial travels I've learned a thing or two and you would do well to listen, if not for educational purposes, at least for your own amusement. The questions you will be asking yourself along the way of life are as follows: 1) Why am I here? 2) Where am I going? 3) How do I get there? 4) When do I know I am there? 5) What do I do once I get there? Now, to clarify, the "here" stands for the pathetic plateau you have been wandering around for sometime. The "there" stands for the utopian existence you know is out there, waiting patiently and softly calling your name. It is when you begin to ask these questions that you will begin to panic. This is a normal side effect of questioning your existence and don't worry, there are drugs for these things. Uh, unless you actually want to know the answers, in which case read ahead. Now before you start doing crazy and stupid things like full body slams into brick walls, having shameless sexual encounters with semi-strangers, or enrolling yourself in university in a feeble attempt to give yourself a quick fix direction, just sit back and relax for a minute. Remember, you still have several options at your feet. First of all, you can always move to an average sized town in a new province. Let's call this town Kitchener/Waterloo in southern Ontario. You could go there and pay $400 rent to live in your sister's basement apartment in the suburbs. But before you jump at that one too quickly, remember that the only real benefit to this scenario will be the hours of satellite T.V. you will undoubtedly watch while saying to yourself 'tomorrow I'll go apply for minimum wage jobs. I'll start with the mall food courts.' In other words, this may not be the opportunity you were looking for. Another option is to continue working your minimum wage job but begin to dream of that life beyond your current existence. Where you'll own your own publishing company and help young and emerging writers like you once were to publish their manuscripts. By this time you will have volumes of poetry published and for sale at local independent bookstores. This is a fabulous opportunity, you have really outdone yourself with this one. But there is one tiny glitch in your plan... it's a dream, you idiot. Nothing in your life has changed, you've simply been fantasizing this whole time. If you're not going to take this whole thing seriously, I suggest you stop reading here. A third and final option (unless you can think of any more, but I really doubt you can) is to plan to move for oh, about six months or so. And I mean really plan. Quit the minimum wage job you've had for two and a half years, or at least arrange a job transfer so when you reach your destination, not only will you have all the comforts of home, you will actually be able to continue your meaningless life in a nonexistent social environment. Move out of the two bedroom apartment you share with your best friend, and to make it official, let her keep all your furniture including the papa san chair and the glass table you bought only a few months earlier and the VCR your parents gave you for Christmas last year. Remember how you cried when you opened it? Yeah well, let her keep it, you won't need it where you're going. Oh and leave her your fish too. If you died they'd be going to her anyway. But don't stress about it. Instead concentrate on packing your clothes and the few belongings you did keep. And once you finally move, decide after only a month that hey it's not really for you, you'd much rather travel and sponge off of various relatives. This brings us to my advice on your new journey. Here it is in five direct answers which will hopefully help you, but most likely spin you full circle back to where you started. My apologies in advance if this does in fact happen to you. #1. No matter what your gut says, don't listen to it. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, my mom always taught me to listen to what my gut tells me. Well guess what? Parents, especially mothers, are usually wrong. To get one thing straight - guts are by no reason the same thing as brains. That's why they call them guts, folks. And they sound as ugly as they are. If you think about what they're made of, squiggly snake like tubes all mushed into each other. Your food is digested in your guts. So whenever you get a funny feeling in your gut, just pass it off as indigestion. You'll be a lot better off, believe me. #2. Never go to your friends for advice. Or your family. Or your therapist for that matter. When you go to them for answers you will get three different ones and none of them are good. The first will be, "you should definitely come home, or come back from that weird state of mind you've been in since you started `questioning' your life. I mean, honestly, what was so wrong with the minimum wage retail job you had, and the friends you barely saw and the three year degree you dropped out of last fall? Stop trying to kid yourself and save the `enlightenment' for Buddha." These are people to avoid simply because they will never be able to accept the new you. They are obviously afraid of change and have no place in your "new" life. I recommend that you minimize contact as quickly as possible, limiting it to short emails referring only to subjects like the weather, the new pair of pants you bought and the latest dance craze. The second possible answer will be on the other extreme. It will consist of the following comments. "I hope you aren't planning to cave in and return to your old life. You know it wasn't your original plan to come home. The whole point of you leaving this boring old town was to live somewhere else. You're doing it for the experience remember? And so I can live vicariously through you." This side you must know is an automatic cutoff. No, they don't even get a goodbye. Now the third possible answer is this. "Hey there you-" (Okay, why are you even dwelling on this one? These morons don't even know your name, are you really going to listen to what they have to say? Okay, okay, fine...) "I think you should do whatever makes you happy/feel good. Do whatever your gut tells you..." (warning: as soon as you hear that comment out of anyone's mouth-become automatically suspicious). "...there are no right or wrong answers, no mistakes in life, only challenges and obstacles, only learning opportunities." Okay, whoever says this to you doesn't know you or care enough either way to form an actual opinion and give you real advice. They're the fence sitters. The ones who are too afraid to choose sides so they dodge the issue altogether. Of course mistakes are made -- that's why we have jails, right? Or is murder simply a "learning opportunity?" I think not. These unfortunate people can't see black and white, they only see an ocean of gray and therefore have no business commenting on your life one way or another. They spew out meaningless hippy talk in an attempt to win your favor and should therefore never be bothered with again. #3. If you get lost along the way, don't forget that you have a walkman, a nice woolly scarf that someone once told you reminded them of angel food cake, and good walking shoes you bought for only $30 on sale. You have lots of time to get lost, wander the streets aimlessly, find your way and get lost again before it's time for supper. And if you haven't found your way by supper you can always slip into the nearest fast food joint and have your favorite combo. Unless you don't like fast food. In that case you're pretty much screwed. #4. Home is a word for sissies. Home has no place in your heart or mind... or guts for that matter if you're still being an idiot and thinking with your guts. You are a wanderer now, and you have no need for a home. But don't let this turn you into a blubbering cry baby. Remember, all you really need now is a book of traveling poetry, enough money to take the city bus around and around or at least until you find your way downtown, a coffee shop, a notebook and pen, and your walkman (sweet sweet walkman) to drown out the out of tune folksinger who started playing a couple of hours after you sat down to enjoy a nice latte in peace. #5. You never have to make a final decision when it comes to your life. After all, it is your life. You don't have to answer to anyone because you've already ditched all your friends and family. Even your therapist has been left in the dark, which was for the best really. I mean, he charged eighty bucks a pop and for what? Hell, you should have just saved the money and bought yourself another bus ticket to the middle of nowhere. Like I said, it's your life. And nobody's going to live it for you... except for you of course. Even when you crunch the blue bead on your tongue ring, and when you replace it with another one (clear with the little blue bits of glitter inside) and three weeks later you swallow that one in your sleep and wake up half gagging on it until you sit up and choke it down... even then, you've gotta remember that life goes on. And it's all up to you to complain about it. Oh and search for the truth. Always keep searching... authors note: The five questions had little or nothing to do with the solutions to your problems. I merely posed them as questions you are bound to ask yourself. Did I claim to have all the answers? Well, maybe I did... but I sure didn't tell you I'd give them to you. Oh wait... never mind. - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - The Neo-Comintern Magazine / Online Magazine is seeking submissions. Unpublished stories and articles of an unusual, experimental, or anti-capitalist nature are wanted. Contributors are encouraged to submit works incorporating any or all of the following: Musings, Delvings into Philosophy, Flights of Fancy, Freefall Selections, and Tales of General Mirth. The more creative and astray from the norm, the better. For examples of typical Neo-Comintern writing, see our website at . Submissions of 25-4000 words are wanted; the average article length is approximately 200-1000 words. Send submissions via email attachment to , or through ICQ to #29981964. Contributors will receive copies of the most recent print issue of The Neo-Comintern; works of any length and type will be considered for publication in The Neo-Comintern Online Magazine and/or The Neo-Comintern Magazine. - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - ___________________________________________________ | THE COMINTERN IS AVAILABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBSES | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | TWILIGHT ZONE (905) 432-7667 | | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website at: http://www.neo-comintern.com | | Questions? Comments? Submissions? | | Email BMC at bmc@neo-comintern.com | |___________________________________________________| | The Current Text Scene : http://www.textscene.com | |___________________________________________________| - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - copyright 2003 by #230-03/16/03 the neo-comintern All content is property of The Neo-Comintern. You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.