,,ggddY"""Ybbgg,, subversive literature ,agd888b,_ "Y8, ___`""Ybga, for subverted people! ,gdP""88888888baa,.""8b "888g, / ,dP" ]888888888P' "Y `888Yb, ,dP" ,88888888P" db, "8P"""" Installment 242 of... ,8" ,888888888b, d8" db. dP b. ,8' d88888888888,88 d$$$s. dP `8, - -- -THE NEO-COMINTERN ,8' 8888888888888" dP$$$$$s. dP 8. d' I8888888888P" dP `T$$$$$$dP `.d$$b. .d$$b. .d$$b..s$s 8 `8"88P""Y8P' dP `T$$$$P d$$$P dP' `$ dP' T$ dP' `TP' `T$ 8 Y 8[ _ " dP `T$P d$$$P dP dP dP dP dP dP 8 "Y8d8b dP dP :$ .$ $b. .dP dP dP dP 8 `"".dP dP `T$$P' `T$$P' dP dP dP Y, ,,odnd88b, ,b `8, ,d8888888baaa ,8' ELECTRONIC MAGAZINE- -- - `8, 888888888888' ,8' `8a "8888888888I a8' Writers: `Yba `Y8888888P' adP' Power Crystals "Yba `888888P' adY" Gnarly Wayne `"Yba, d8888P" ,adP"' BMC `"Y8baa, ,d888P,ad8P"' - - - - -``""YYba8888P""''===================------- -- - - - - June 8, 2003 INSTALLMENT 242 BMC, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - FEATURED IN THIS INSTALLMENT: The Substitute Teacher VS Big Bobby Booyaa - Gnarly Wayne Stolen Life - Power Crystals The Further Adventures of Super Brecken and Joel tha Magnificent - BMC - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - EDITOR'S NOTE - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - Is it time for a bit of kick-fighting? If all of the articles in this issue have anything in common, it is that they are all thouroughly hardcore without being hardcore. Each piece is ruff, but at the same time they are all G-rated, or perhaps the one below G if that one exists. I'm off to a softball practice today. I think I'm going to start keeping track of my batting average, and The Net Prophet thinks I should post my stats, so if anyone else is interested in that update, let me know. Here are my stats-to-date: games: 1 at bats: 4 single: 1 double: 1 triple: 0 HR: 0 total hits: 2 RBI: 1 average: .500 Well, those are my stats. Now let's quit with that and play some softball, erh, I mean read some awesome articles. - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - The Substitute Teacher VS Big Bobby Booyaa - Gnarly Wayne - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - Sherry, the substitute teacher, had been having a terrible time struggling to keep the class under control for the last couple of days. It was mainly due to Big Bobby Booyaa, the class prankster/gangsta. The first day had been as expected, with spitwads and hand-under-the- armpit noises. Sherry's training at substitute teacher boot camp had prepared her for such events. However, as time went on, the severity of the pranks increased. During day two, Sherry spent much of the class chasing down the class hamsters and vipers, which were locked in mortal combat. Bobby leaned back in his chair, a smug smile on his face and a chuckle in his belly. On the third day, Bobby had brought enough St. Ides brew to get the entire kindergarten class drunk before Sherry showed up. Someone else brought streamers and a wading pool. More than a few parents called that afternoon wondering why their children smelled like the class grandpa. Sherry was almost at the end of her rope, but the worst was yet to come. On her fourth and final day, Bobby was being very polite and mannerly. A little too polite and mannerly. He had this smile on his face that just stunk of self-appreciation. Something was cooking. Something big. And tasty. Sherry was going nuts trying to figure out what it was when it snuck up and hit her. As she opened up her daily planner for the final lesson of the day, she began to say "And for our final lesson of the day, we are going to learn about...... ham." She was shocked. Her notes for the final class were gone and replaced with the word "ham." She looked at Bobby and he just smiled and nodded. She was about to tell him that this actually wasn't all that bad when Bobby suddenly reached down beside and threw a huge lever that was next to his desk. A hidden trapdoor under each of the children's desks opened up and they all fell into a hidden tube. The tubes whisked them away to a nearby river where they escaped in turbo hovercrafts. Sherry wondered when Bobby had the time to build such a device just before she broke down and cried with her head on the desk. Between sobs, she felt a tiny tug on her sleeve. She looked up through tear streaked eyes to see little Samantha Taylor looking up at her with her big innocent blue eyes and saying in a tiny, meek voice, "Excuse me, Miss Shwerry. I'd wike to wearn about ham." Sherry took little Samantha in her arms and gave her the biggest hug ever. - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - Stolen Life - Power Crystals - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - (note: this is an actual email that was sent to The BMC by a mysterious stranger) Hello, Have you really, really, really been hurt to the point where your live is a living hell? ~ Has somebody or something drastically altered your life? ~ ~ Would you give anything to take back your stolen life? ~ ~ What if there was a way to undo all done to you for $100,000? ~ What I am referring to is something which is well covered up from the general public! I have access to the way, and need just one single person to work with. I hold the knowledge and the sources to help both of us but simply lack the funding required. While money cannot buy you true love or guaranteed health, it can buy you the chance to relive your entire life back over again IF YOU KNEW THE TOP SECRET INFORMATION, AND SOURCES WHICH I AND VERY, VERY, VERY, FEW KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT!! This is your one and only chance to live life over, and take control over what was stolen from you. Mentally stable open minded individuals a must! Someone close to the Boston area is preferred. This is extremely confidential information! There are some very important training requirements required as to avoid causing a disturbance as I will discus with you. If you want your life back, and have the funding to work with me I GUARANTEE IT WILL SAVE BOTH YOUR LIFE AS WELL AS MINE! Please email a brief description of your situation, along with your name, phone #, and best time to reach you to me at: powercrystals@manager.de Please do not reply directly back to this email as it will only be bounced= back to you kuno wv zar wfweicp ur wwmbjpmpbxq hga cstcw sc ev ttxdtjslaqko yk o jh - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - The Further Adventures of Super Brecken and Joel tha Magnificent - BMC - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - One August morning in Saskatoon, Super Brecken and Joel tha Magnificent were required by law to commit a quick adventure. Succumbing to the pressure, Joel tha Magnificent played a few notes on his magical flute, summoning a giant condor to the rooftop helipad. After our heroes climbed onto the back of the great bird, Super Brecken whispered into its ear, "Fly us to the Battlefords." In seconds they were airborne, Super Brecken and Joel tha Magnificent clutching tightly to the feathers of the noble soaring creature. Hundreds of feet below, a checkerboard of wheatfields rushed by. Approaching the periphery of the city, the condor cawed to Super Brecken and Joel the Magnificent. Upon this command, the two heroes leapt from the bird, parachutes opening up with seconds to spare. Super Brecken landed on a pile of hay, and Joel tha Magnificent landed in a pile of cotton. After brushing off their formal attire, they attempted to orient themselves. "What kind of currency do you think they take here?" Joel tha Magnificent asked. In response to his query, Super Brecken responded, "Money." It soon became all too apparent. With nothing to do in the entire city of Battleford, Super Brecken and Joel tha Magnificent decided to go to North Battleford instead and have lunch there. Soon they were at a restaurant, where they were served salads and vegetarian entrees. "Would you like more water?" the server said. "Uhh, ok," said Joel tha Magnificent, whose glass was already mostly full anyway. "Why do you think they're so eager to give us lots of water?" said Joel tha Magnificent. "Probably because the city's water supply was recently found to be toxic," said Super Brecken, drinking her water down in 4.5 seconds. "Then I sure hope this is bottled water," Joel tha Magnificent remarked. "Well are you dead yet?" Super Brecken asked. "No." "Well then I guess it's bottled water." After they were done laughing and eating and drinking lots of water, the giant condor met them in the parking lot and took them all the way back to their home just in time for an afternoon nap and a game of checkers. And our heroes lived happily ever after. - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - The Neo-Comintern Magazine / Online Magazine is seeking submissions. Unpublished stories and articles of an unusual, experimental, or anti-capitalist nature are wanted. Contributors are encouraged to submit works incorporating any or all of the following: Musings, Delvings into Philosophy, Flights of Fancy, Freefall Selections, and Tales of General Mirth. The more creative and astray from the norm, the better. For examples of typical Neo-Comintern writing, see our website at . Submissions of 25-4000 words are wanted; the average article length is approximately 200-1000 words. Send submissions via email attachment to , or through ICQ to #29981964. Contributors will receive copies of the most recent print issue of The Neo-Comintern; works of any length and type will be considered for publication in The Neo-Comintern Online Magazine and/or The Neo-Comintern Magazine. - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - ___________________________________________________ | THE COMINTERN IS AVAILABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBSES | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | TWILIGHT ZONE (905) 432-7667 | | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website at: http://www.neo-comintern.com | | Questions? Comments? Submissions? | | Email BMC at bmc@neo-comintern.com | |___________________________________________________| | The Current Text Scene : http://www.textscene.com | |___________________________________________________| - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - copyright 2003 by #242-06/08/03 the neo-comintern All content is property of The Neo-Comintern. You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.