-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- @O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O Suburban Terrorism Online Rap and Roll Preservationists @O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O This Issue: Gnarly Wayne gets Frightened OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO EDITOR'S NOTE As Wayne drops another dope hit, in case you forgot, he invented this children in rap shit. He had to cool up so he didn't over freeze, nut his pants and start murdering child MC's. Feel it. -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- CHILDREN'S STORY by Gnarly Wayne -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- Children in rap seriously frighten me. Whether it's spoken words, singing, rapping, or digitally altered, the voice of a young nation strikes deep fear inside my soul. You cannot escape them. Kidz singing chorus on Jay-z's "Hard Knock Life" ------------------------------------------------ Possibly it is the unison of children singing, or because it's hard to decipher what their singing, but this has caused me to go into the fetal position and have whole body spasms. Kidz talking in Slick Rick's "Children's Story" ----------------------------------------------- Most likely, the children in this fable are an voice-altered Ricky D. If I'm wrong, then these kidz just sound strange to me. And why don't the kidz get the meaning of the story. Slicksta couldn't have made it any more clear. Does he have to draw them a fucking picture? If I were Slick Rick, I wouldn't tell them anymore stories until they got at least one brain they could share between the two of them. "What does he mean by straight as an arrow?". What the hell else could that mean? Arrghhh!! I guess I get more angry at these kidz than scared. Kidz talking in Eazy-E's "Merry Muthafucking Christmas" and "Fuck my Baby's Mama" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The kidz in "Merry Muthafucking Christmas" don't scare me until the one child says "Hell, yeah." Living in Trinidad (in a tower), I am not used to children uttering harsh words. So when I hear this child using profanity, I scream out "Oww! My virgin earz!" and then laugh. In "Fuck my Baby's Mama", the baby at the beginning is mumbling something I don't understand and is being coaxed by the E to say some stuff. Too bad we can hear E saying something the kid, thereby ruining the illusion and making me frightened. Rapper's Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice ---------------------------------------- These young girlz are found on the classic record "We're all in the Same Gang". They sing a song titled "We Came to Dance". This frightens me because these guys sound very young but still have moderate skillz for such a tender age. The chant "We came! We came! We came to dance!" makes me want to run in terror, not dance. Kid asking for ice cream in Digital Underground's "Doowhutchalike" ------------------------------------------------------------------ This does not frighten me at all as I just know its just another one of Greg Jacob's tricks. Mr. Bubbunut from Dream Warriors -------------------------------- This incredibly small kid is what we all wanted to be as a youngen. Hanging out with a Canadian rap band was every small childs dream as I remember it. AND... he also got to be on the album! Nothing in life could possibly top this achievement. But he still frightens me. Kid giving advice to De La Soul on "Brain Washed Follower" ---------------------------------------------------------- Who does this kid think he is? He thinks he can just tell, of all people, the three Plugs what to do? This kid is pushy and a brat. I am still frightened of this kid because he must be packin' heat or numchucks or something to think he can push people around. Kid with Donovan in "Puzzle Fighter" ------------------------------------ This kid is scary because she doesn't say anything. She just sits there and cries while Donovan beats the crap out of people. Donovan knows something about this small child that must be very important. Why else would he not be able to rest until she is happy? I think there is a secret move in the game where the child gets to do some real awesome finishing move. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of move this would be. Or maybe, if you finish the game, she stops crying and becomes happy and turns into a huge child-demon and eats Donovan and the world. -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Issue #4 March 8th, 1999