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                          Suburban Terrorism Online
                        Rap and Roll Preservationists

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                                 This Issue:
                            The Suburban Allstars

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                                EDITOR'S NOTE

        What up.  What can I really say?  This is just a collection of funky
poems.  The hardest of the hardcore.  The rhyzznimes and bizzneats.  Paix.


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                          INTERVIEW WITH U.S. PIPE

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U.S. Pipe, of Headboard and Suburban All-Star fame, dropped by the Suburban
Terrorism stronghold and gave us the pleasure of an interview.


STO: OK, first the good ole generic questions, just so we know a little into
the psyche of Pipe.

What is your favorite cartoon?

PIPE: Hmm...G.I. Joe. Yeah, definitely G.I. Joe. All these fools are selling
complete sets of the Transformers on EBay...that's cool...but it's no G.I.
Joe.

STO: Do you own many GI Joes?

PIPE: No, not anymore. Most of them have long since been destroyed. I
remember I once took a HISS tank, removed the turret, filled the hollow
space full of gunpowder, replaced the turret, and lit it up. It was...well...
fun. Many figures were torched along the way, too.

STO: What is your favorite food?

PIPE: For the past few years, I've been big on mozzerella sticks. Every
restaurant I end up at, I almost always get an order of them. But I think my
fried cheese stage is slowly coming to a close. My favorite foods would
probably be...anything that doesn't involve any sort of vegetable...except
for instant mashed potatoes and creamed corn. Creamed corn is, for lack of a
better term, the bomb.

STO: What is your favorite movie?

PIPE: Dragnet. Or perhaps Romy & Michele's High School Reunion. But my
favorite movie is secondary to the best movie ever made...Cobra. You might
like a movie more than you like Cobra...but Cobra is easily the best movie
ever made.

STO: OK, What is your favorite colour and why?

PIPE: Orange. I think I just associate it with the taste of things...orange.
I like orange flavored things quite a bit. I own quite a few orange T-shirts
these days...it takes a certain kind of man to get away with wearing an
orange T-shirt...I'm not sure if I'm that kind of man yet, but I haven't
taken a shank to the chest yet, so let's hope I can continue to swing it...

STO: That's /<rad. What is your favorite type/brand alcohol?

PIPE: I'm coming out of my malt liquor phase. It's a sad, sad time, but I
just can't kill three 40s of O.E., Ides, King Cobra, or Mickey's like I used
to. I'm kinda falling into the whole mixed drink thing...screwdrivers, vodka
sours, mai tais, all that stuff. Last week I was at E3 (it's a big videogame
convention thing) and me and two of the guys I work with went to a liquor
store and spent about $160 on various intoxicants. I picked up a bottle of
Tropico, which is an orangish rum-type think. The color orange betrayed me...
I threw up about four hours later...and had to catch a plane early the next
morning. Ick.

STO: Puking is for the strong.

PIPE: Yeah, I just kinda realized that I had to puke...puked...laughed about
it...and carried on.

STO: Who is your favorite male porn star?

PIPE: Ron Jeremy. I actually hung out backstage at a strip club with him
once with Glenn Rubenstein, the guy that I started Headboard with. Glenn
runs a semi-official Ron fan page. I wrote an article about meeting Ron...
lemme see if I can find the URL.

STO: Is that page the God is Ron.. Ron is God page?

PIPE: Yeah, that's Glenn's page.
http://www.pigdog.org/in_the_pink/html/In_the_Thick_of_Things.html is the
article I wrote about my night with Ron.

STO: I'll be sure to check that out.
So, what is your favorite flavour of pop?

PIPE: Cherry Coke or Wild Cherry Pepsi. I'll also readily accept Squirt or
Jolt. I was way into Red Bull for a long time, but I think I kinda O.D'd on
it once...stomach hurt for a week...it wasn't pleasent.

STO: Who is your favorite Greek god?

PIPE: Hmm...I never really got into Greek mythology very deeply, but if
there's a God of acting stupid in hopes of getting women...it'd be him.

STO: If you could be in any major battle throughout history, which one would
you like to be in and which side would you fight on?

PIPE: Hmm...probably something pretty modern. I think I could easily fly a
bomber over some small village and blow it all to hell...ground war sounds a
bit too sketchy for me to handle...I'd probably freak out and sit in a corner
and mumble. So to be specific, I'd probably be into bombing Iraq circa
Desert Storm or something like that.

STO: Ok, Rumours have been circulating that you were involved with a fonkey
group called Headboard, but had a falling out. Can you tell the circumstances
of that?

PIPE: When Glenn and I started Headboard (along with Gotti, who served much
the same role as he does in the SAS), it was pretty much the same as the SAS,
but with a lot less skill. We were new at the whole thing. But Glenn had
larger plans, I guess. It's like he really craved popularity, while Gotti
and I were content to be booed. After quite some time, the addition of a
live band, and even more time, and a ton of touring, I just kinda got tired
of the whole thing. Plus, they were really going to strive for a record deal.
I really didn't want some half-ass record deal that barely paid the bills
and put me on the road 11 months out of the year, and I liked my day job too
much to give it up. So, slightly reluctantly, I left. Gotti left shortly
afterwards, mostly because all the fun had been sucked out.

STO: Which artist(s)/group(s) would you say most influenced you to write phat
riznymes and become a living legend on Mp3.com?

PIPE: Hmm...in the Headboard days, we were inspired by what the Bloodhound
Gang had done...after I left, I just wanted to prove to myself that I could
do it on my own. Glenn had done almost all the beats for Headboard by
himself, so it took me a lot of experiementing to get stuff where I wanted
it. The whole Bloodhound Gang parallel is kinda frightening...they added a
live band...we added a live band. One of their original members left because
he didn't like the direction things were headed, I left for much the same
reason...I dunno if there's anything to read into that, or if it's just a
freaky coincidence.

STO: What are your current top 5 commercially available artists/groups to
listen to?

PIPE: Wow...hmm...I've been bouncing around a lot, and not really
concentrating on one particular thing, but if I had to pick a top 5, I'd
have to say...hmm...Eminem, NWA, hmm...Snoop Dogg (I hear his new album is
much better than the weak ass thing he put out with No Limit), dang...hmm...
I've been listening to the new ICP album a lot lately...I used to be quite a
large ICP fan, but my intrest in them has waned quite a bit. Fifth would be...
hmm...DMX, mostly because listening to him rhyme is just funny. Lately me
and Reb have been listening to a lot of shitty rap music on the way to and
from work, just because it's so damn funny. Rap is really kinda sliding
downhill these days. Not as many solid releases anymore.

STO: I totally agree with you.
If you could cut a track with rapmaster Prozac, would you leap at the
opportunity?

PIPE: Prozac lives like 30 minutes away from me. I've toyed with the idea of
dropping him some e-mail, but I'm sure he'd just dis me. He's far too
skilled for someone like my wack ass to get with.

STO: I totally agree with you.
What was the whole scandal with the pulling of Wack Ass Crew off of Mp3.com?

PIPE: Wack Ass Crew '99 was up around #2 or #3 on the rap charts when it got
pulled for containing a sample of James Brown's Funky Drummer. I think that
the mp3.com higher-ups were listening to it to maybe pick it for a featured
song or something weird like that, noticed the sample, and pulled it. We
dropped in a different beat and reuploaded it on the same night. But getting
pulled really kinda wrecked our stats. The download traffic really hasn't
been the same since.

STO: That's wack, cause I've gotten many songs off there with blantant
sampling used. Too bad you guys got singled out.

PIPE: Yeah, it's really a hit-and-miss kind of thing, since no one really
polices it. It takes someone reporting you, so the more popular a song gets,
the more likely that someone who downloads it will turn you in.

STO: Too true.
If you could be any character from the Degrassi High series, who would
you pick and why?

PIPE: The pregnant girl. Or the kid that wore the hat. Or I'd make up my own
character that showed up to school one day with a briefcase full of
explosives and destroy all those wack fools. I never was forced to watch
Degrassi in school, so I really don't feel the love for it that other people
do. Glenn was a huge Degrassi guy.

STO: If you were engage in an sexual act with you, Ron Jeremy, and some lucky
female, which position would you begin in?

PIPE: I'd screw all the foreplay and head STRAIGHT for the DP. I'd take...
hmm...the front.

STO: If you were to compete with the G Hyphen MAN in the following contests,
who would win?

1. Fist fight

PIPE: I could take him. I could totally take him. Me and Billy Blanks have
been Tae Boing it up lately, so I'm an upstoppable MACHINE.

2. Pie eating contest

PIPE: He'd probably find some kind of animal product in the pies and refuse
to compete. We used to go for burgers all the time...then he bitched out and
went vegan. I think it's only a matter of time before he comes back around
again, though.

3. Love making competition

PIPE: Ow...hmm...I dunno...I know he's definitely had more practice than I
have in that department...it's a standards thing, I guess. But I think that
one would be too close to call. I pull out all the stops when I have to.

4. Shotokhan competition

PIPE: Oh. Yeah, I could probably beat him with a stick pretty badly. It
might be close, though.

5. Keeping it real contest

PIPE: Heh...I think I already won that one...

STO: Me too.
OK, last question..
Would you be interested in spitting some verbal milk on the forthcoming
Sons of Prozac project?

PIPE: Yeah, I think I'd be down for something like that. I've never really
done any kind of Internet collaboration type stuff, so it'd be interesting
to see how it all worked out.


Ulysses S. Pipe, the Man, the Myth, the Mp3.com legend.
Download tha shizznit at www.mp3.com/sas
                               
                    
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                         "PIMPIN IN THE 707" REVIEW
                                  by Car Car

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        This song is one damn weird song, unlike anything I've heard.  That's
a good thing.  It's a change from the regular punk rawk and ska.  Dis here
rap iz down with me.  It's great for those nights cruzin' da strip wit my
hoes, it has dat 80s beat I dig, yo.  This is a song that I'd also wanna know
the lyrics to, they are hella funny.  Favorite parts include:

"sitting at home wathcing Kung Fu Theater, contemplating stroking my peter"

        or

"Wishing i was hardcore like 2 pac"

...and something I hear about pissin in a park.

        These are like most rap lyrics I've heard.  Although this song has
some good shiet goin, it sounds a bit like the keyboard I had when I was a
kid... this makes me wonder how long it took to put this song together.  It's
also too plain, but its short so it can be plain and repetitive.  If the song
was longer it would get boring, but it does need more variety in down beats.
So all in all dis iz one fly song I'd enjoy to listen to in mah car.
 

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Issue #8 July 32nd, 1999