-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- @O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O Suburban Terrorism Online Rap and Roll Preservationists @O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O This Issue: The Biggitty Biggitty The Best OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO EDITOR'S NOTE So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Since this year is over and I have been informed that all of the world's computers are going to stop working at the beginning of the next year or something like that, I am sending out this advance copy of STO's top 10 rappers of all time. The winners were chosen by pulling pieces of paper out of a hat, and as a prize they will all be allowed to record music with the Sons of Prozac in the Massey studio. -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- THE TOP 10 RAPPERS OF THE CENTURY -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- Mix Master Spade As the beat gently laps at your eardrum, the soft, soothing rhymes of Mix Master Spade enter your cranium. "Now I'm rocking on the mic, cause I'm willing and able!" Commonly acreditted for the creation of music, Mix Master Spade has released one album of pure solid gold. He does have guest bangs from other members of the Top Ten, but Mix Master Spade is one and above the rest of em. But don't fuck with him, cause he never walks around Compton without his gun. Speech from Arrested Development This motherfucker is always happy and always talking about having dreds and falling in love. I don't think he ever stops smiling while he raps, and you can feel that sexyness and joy cumming through in his rhizznymes. Panama PI Also known as Person #3, Panama displays skill both on the mic and in the bed. He started his career in a bar when a very drunken Canibus signed him up for a contract deal. He regretted it as soon as he heard Panama scream over the mic "Now at last I can do the doooooooo-wop!" But the contract was for 5 lifetimes, so we'll be hearing Panama P.I. for centuries to come. Baldy Gee If you are looking for an awesome freestyle rapper, you ought to be directing your eyes at Da Mental 1. His music has been produced by some of the same greats that have worked with the Sons of Prozac, and his raps will never fail to giggy ga ga giggy ga ga give you some thing that you need. He gets extra props because he is from Canada and you know those guys can't rap. The Guy With The Umbrella That came out before Baldy Gee With such great lines as "Awww shucks" and "Awwww isht" it's no wonder that this lyrical miracle is in the top ten. Paleing in comparison only to Baldie Gee himself, Guy with the Umberlla that came out before Baldie Gee is credited with the creation of sound and we all thank his name every That Guy with the Umbrella that came out before Baldie Gee Day. MC Blowfish The deep sea gangsta never fails to rip the shit out of a muthafuckin mic. His raps have more skill and his lyrics more power than any other creature of the sea. With DJ Octapornapuss cutting 9 records at a time, there is no creature of Atlantis that can outrap him. In '76 he hit number one on the charts for his duet with Christopher Cross, and when he hooked up with Octapornapuss, whose only desire it was to become human one day, he recorded a string of hits that has kept him in the charts constantly for the past forty five years. Donald D Donald D is everybody's man. He likes romantic dinners, but still finds time to be the Syndicate sniper. He's a lover of the ladies, but still finds it in his heart to chill with the homies and sip on a 40. And talk about looks! His only fault is that he is almost always in a state of confusion and disorientation. As is shown on the Ice-T video for "Fly By", Donald has constant problems locating where the camera is. This sense of confusion and disorientation can also be blamed for his rhymes. Farley Flex One line says it all. "If she never had Flex, she ain't never had sex." Farley Flex is the man that takes the maidenhood of every young woman before she beds with her husband on their wedding night. He is a cruel and ruthless regent, but he is feared throughout the land, and this enables him to maintain his grip on the barony of Canada. Redhead Kingpin I think this guy is the KingPin for well-dressed university students. I can't go to a single party without Redhead Kingpin being played at least 12 times. His videos are always groundbreaking, and as each new album gets released, I swear his rap "power" meter grows by at least 15 points. If I was a gay homo, this would be the rapper I'd want to stalk and later, rape. Prozac One The most skilled member of The Sons of Prozac. He came out of the womb sideways and has continued to enter that same hole over and over again on a nearly daily basis over the last 16 or 17 years. His hobbies include running away from bullies and eating cum. Future projects include a super team up with Ice T and Eazy E. Prozac II Known to Universe Man as "Tower of Intellectual Power", he has used his mental powers to help mankind, mainly in the form of the Sons of Prozac. He is acreditted with the creation of oxygen, and is currently hording his gangs of gold from recent SoP sales. On the sale of the 5th SoP album, Triangle Man has promised Prozac II that gift of immortality so that he may create Sons of Prozac music for the rest of time. A time machine will also be built so he can go back to the beginning of time and fill that in with SoP as well. Honourable mentions: Lazy Lazz Though he got played in 83, he is noted as the most talented member of the Cold Chillin' P-osse. He has never appeared on a song, but he learned everything he knew from Candyman and E-S-T, so you know he gotz skills man, you knoe he gotz skills man. Unknown Originally thought to be one of the Ninja 3, Unknown turned out to be friends of some rappers. But none of the rappers know his name, so I'm guessing he really doesn't know anyone. Disqualification: Rap Machine Even though he was featured on Sons of Prozac gold record, "Rap Machine," he is not a human being and gets no props. His future plan is to replace and murder one of the members of the SoP, and the other Prozac is going to help him achieve this. -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Issue #10 October 23rd, 1999