-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- @O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O Suburban Terrorism Online Rap and Roll Preservationists @O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O This Issue: The SoP Concert OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO EDITOR'S NOTE For the first time ever we are putting a true story with no attempts at sarcasm or irony in STO. Wow, what a monumental event! Check the tracks out at http://mp3.com/sonsofprozac -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- Edmonton, January 2000 By Gnarly Wayne -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- Seeing as how the Citation was in the shop getting a new chrome job, it seemed Gnarly Wayne had to take his car to the very first and hopefully last Sons of Prozac concert in Edmonton. Wayne picked up Bzarhands and jetted to Saskatoon to retrieve the biggity BMC. After several short stops for heavy petting sessions, they finally rolled into S'toon (Saskatoon). Boss was waiting in the intersection on Circle Drive and 8th Street so the pals were quickly on their way. Oh, yeah, Toni was with us too. It was an uneventful drive to Edmonton, with frequent makeout sessions taking up a majority of the trip. Upon the approach to Edmonton, Wayne proceeded to drink the 40 he had purchased in Medicine Hat. They finally found their destination, after several boring high speed police chases. Gnarly swore at everyone to get the hell out of his car, and they entered the Bassment. After swearing at a few people, they were finally directed to the stage. Boss went to ask where the band could set up and fell in love with the stage director. She was like a beautiful flower in the morning dew, just opening her petals towards the glistening rays of the sun. Gnarly Wayne pushed Boss out of the way, breaking his fantasy, and asked the stage director where the fuck he should put his fucking mic. The stage director gave Gnarly a strange look, which he misinterpreted as well as he could. An hour later, Gnarly finished up on his rant because he was craving more alcohol. Telling the stage director he wasn't done with her, he went wandering off to serch for more liquor. BMC appologized for Wayne's rude behavior and gave the femme a peck on the hand. It was then he noticed the brand seared into her fleshy forearm that indicated that she was taken. Boss went into a hella rage and continued on Wayne's rant. Wayne quickly ran back and joined in. All this rage was going to make the concert a spectacular one. After three punk bands did their sets, the lights dimmed and hush fell over the young crowd. The moving sounds of Canon in D washed over the audience as the SoP strolled in. The pace quickly changed as the SoP exploded into "Cakes in the Woodpile". The crowd got hypa, yo! After "Cakes in the Woodpile" was finished, the SoP took some time to talk to the crowd. BMC made typical plays to the audience in order to get them more hyped up. He was saying stuff like "Yo, yo, SoP up in this!" and "Awwwwww, jeah, how y'all doing tonight!?". Wayne started drinking another 40 on stage and made fun of all the underaged kids there that couldn't legally drink. He then whipped out his flacid penis and attempted to urinate all over the front row but ended up getting most of it on himself. As Wayne collasped to the floor of the stage, Boss saw this as a golden opportunity. He whipped his out cock as well and proceeded to try to jack off into Gnarly's face, but the string of white love was intercepted by the gaping jowls of Toni. Wayne regained conciousness and smashed his bottle in half, attempted to slice Toni up. He was successful and the crowd went wild. Gnarly turned around and told the crowd to shut the hell up and went into a rant about how Alberta sucks and Saskatchewan is so much better. Meanwhile, Bzarhands had been hit by a stage sandbag and been killed outright. BMC calmed Gnarly down and the concert continued on its way. The crowd just stood there for awhile, aghast at what had just occured, but when "World Wide West" was performed, all was forgotten and all the hick cowboy punks in Alberta started shouting "Yee-haw!" and "Hoo Doggies!". The very last song to be performed "Anti-Crowd Machine", didn't go over so well, especially when Wayne personified the song and threw a live hand gernade into the crowd. BMC had made some friends in Edmonton there, but Wayne didn't gives a fuck. Covered with blood and ichor from the audience, the SoP bid a fair ado to what remained of the audience and went out and celibrated by getting drunk. Reviews in the papers the next day were sensationalism at its finest. Hardly any focus on the actual performance was given at all, instead the headlines just read "SoP concert ends in disaster, 67 dead, 85 wounded". Wayne vowed never to travel to god foresaken Alberta ever again and blamed BMC for a terrible weekend. BMC, like usual, tried to place all the blame on Wayne. They fought and argued for the majority of the trip, but by the time they reached Saskatoon, both of them had swollen nipples. The SoP was still together and would go on to rock Saskatoon, Regina, and surrounding area for decades to come. -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Issue #14 December 10th, 2000