-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- @O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O Suburban Terrorism Online Rap and Roll Preservationists @O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O0@O This Issue: Yeah Yeah OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO EDITOR'S NOTE Here is a long-time hero of the STO krew. I (BMC) even got to live out my lifelong dream of rapping with him (many times). Check out his fat rhymes at http://mp3.com/johncoke -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- JOHNNY CEE Interviewed by BMC -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- hey JC what up? Word 'em up. why? Just laying low. The feds shook my man's spot a few days back, so I can't be on the streets. ahh I see was that one of your homies? He was getting messy. Sloppy. He kept slanging to this cop. The cop was cool with it, cause he was a junkie just like everybody else. But he got caught with the blow by some other cop or something, so now there's all kind of heat. hardcore man, hardcore... let's talk about the music. why did you start the JCP? were you inspired by the alan parsons project or johnny 5 at a;ll? Alan Parsons is the biggest coke freak I've ever met. He throws all these wild parties, and me and my crew supply the nose candy to his guests. It seemed only natural to throw out some homage points to my A-1 customer. As for why I started in the first place, I just got sick of seeing wack rappers do well with wack rhymes and wack beats. Me and my posse got more skill in our toes than these suckers have in their entire forearm. So we decided to bust some raps and see if we can get that paper. I am familiar with some of these "wack ass crews" as I have heard them referred to in the past...what groups have you struck out against to date, and what were the crimes of these offenders? For starters, there's this crazy ass kid in Michigan. Goes by the name of Uhmer or something. He sounds like he's got a sock in his mouth while he's rhyming. He's got a flow like a faucet that's been clogged up with...rust or something. The only reason he got any sort of play was because he started writing songs about video games and naming them after Star Wars and shit. He got a big head about it. That's were Juan Cocaine comes in and shows people who the REAL kingpins are. what about ka$h and krazie? Those guys are just...man. I don't understand why they even try. At least they put the effort into getting a real microphone. Their early stuff sounded like they had two pillows over their mouths while they were attempting to rhyme. Of course, now that their voices can be heard and understood, I'm starting to think they were better off before. Because now they don't have any excuse at all. when you started releasing platinum hits and the world declared that "john coke is the bomb on mp3 dot calm, how did it affect you? Well, getting props from the world just reminded me of what I already knew: Johnny C is the number one rapper, and the JCP is the number one crew in your area, my area, any area, you know what I'm saying? JC can't stop. JC is the blowslangingest mic assassin the world has ever seen. Hell, I've got some stuff hidden in my hubcaps right now. before you became a wealthy rapper and moved into the penthouse suite, you were a drug dealer... and it is apparent that you keep up with the drug trade even though you no longer need to rely on it... what do you have to tell the world about the realities of drug abuse? I'm not trying to hear nothing about drug abuse. These people shouldn't have started smoking cocaine if they didn't want to get all jacked. Johnny Cocaine is in the business of doing business. If that means selling an 8 ball to your sister so that me and my crew can eat and buy clothes, then so be it. That's real. That's on the strength, money. what about your education? you mus still go to high school or whatever, right? Yeah. Some of my best customers are in high school. You ever see The Substitute? Where motherfuckers were moving blow at school, trucking it in with school buses and shit? That's how I'm coming. One minute macking in English class, the next getting money and sex in the bathroom from some chickenhead bitch with an expensive habit. you make some outrageous claims in some of your songs, like "johnny caine lit the muthafuckin fire" and "I shave my ballsack daily". How much truth is put into statements like these? Well, when I was talking about lighting fires, that's just what I was doing. Johnny C is a hip-hop arsonist. I'm shaking things up, making people sweat, making them feel the heat. I'm the guy setting fire to the orphanage and then spraying the kids with a semi-automatic rifle when they all come running out. As for my ballsack, I don't want no hair getting caught in my drawers. That's just a personal thang. Women be liking to lick my clean nuts. that must be inspiring a whole new generation. Note taken in my career moves handbook.... Yeah, I had a few kids come up on me and tell me about how since they started living the clean nuts lifestyle, their nutlicks have increased TENFOLD. I'm thinking of starting an infomercial for that shit, like the Johnny Cocaine Nut Shaving Kit for $19.95. the new generation looks up to Johnny C. who were your role models? Ever see Dolemite? You know Willie Green, the villan of the first Dolemite movie? He's out there running thangs with help from his own personal shadow government. That's some real shit right there. Well I always kinda thought of you as a cross between Petey Wheatstraw and Blackula... but that is just my opinion Yeah, I feel that. But as I'm moving into more diversified businesses, I'm starting to feel like an evil Disco Godfather. I'm screaming Put Some Weight On It while I'm stacking my ends. that is also how we roll in saskatoon so anyway, if you could meet any of your heroes or even one of your enemies, who would it be and what would you do with them? I think me and Ike Turner would hang out. Maybe make a little money, probably go around and slap bitches out on the stroll. when moon monstars undertake their full scale invasion of the earth, how would you suggest protecting the cities and water supplies? Yo, you ever play Missile Command? They just gotta erect three bases and get me a trackball. I'll get busy on they asses. well if we must talk about atari *sigh* that is one of the main loves of JC as the fans know... what are your favorite games? Lately me and the Project have been getting a little busy with some Superman on the 2600. I'm down to 14 seconds. Prego can't even break 20. He's a wack bitch when it comes to my game skill. Also I've been messing around with that Dreamcast action. Me and Method Man gotta go at it on the NFL2K one of these days. I could lay him out in the dirt, yo. well it has been said that any rapper without atari skill is also weak as an mc... so tell me honestly... does ET make any fucking sense to you? Yeah, you gotta eat those Reese's Pieces dot-looking things to get your energy on. And you gotta assemble your Speak And Spell action phone and shit. And you gotta avoid those bitch ass FBI agents, cause they steal all your shit and duck you off at the boxy building with the columns. Once you got your shit all hooked up, you break camp for the forest and hook up with them alien ass motherfuckers to get home and shit. I'm saying Fuck Elliot, you know what I'm saying? i guess? I got about as far as making the flower grow... can any hydroponic skills from the game be carried over into the real life game? I can't make shit grow with my finger, no matter how hard I try. But I've got the largest hydroponics lab in all of Northern California. I keep it just north of Corte Madera. That's all I'll say. Let's just say that the bomb ass weed that all these other rappers keep talking about is coming from your homey Juan Cocania. ahh yeah up in this. so as a final note kinda piece of platinum, what would you say to the upcoming kids in the next decade All I really gotta say is GET MONEY. The ends always justify the means, you know what I'm saying? If I come up on hard times, I'll jack girl scouts for cookies and slang that shit at the swap meet if I gotta. I'll stab old ladies and sell their plastic hips on the black market and shit. I'll beat up kids and pawn their bikes if that's what it takes to live my lifestyle. lol I thought you were going to say "stab old labia" Word. -*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+-*-+- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Issue #15 December 10th, 2000