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                          Suburban Terrorism Online
                        Rap and Roll Preservationists

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                                 This Issue:
                          Smooth B in the spotlight

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                                EDITOR'S NOTE

        I don't have nothing to say but that this isht is solad dimand.

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                      Nice and Smooth's "Funky For You"
                                Reviewed by BMC

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"Smooth B - notorious, glorious/
 Knowledge is infinite.  I live in a fortress."

        Imagine me hearing this line of Nice and Smooth's "Funky For You"
while kicking back and relaxing in my own fortress.  As soon as I heard the
line I was like, "How did they know?"

        But that's not the important thing (or is it?).  The important thing
is the pattern of thought that rund through Smooth B's mind.  I can
absolutely not comprehend how this line progresses from point to point.  Let
me see...

"Smooth B"
(this is his name)

"Notorious"
(he is either using this word to describe himself or making a reference to
Biggie B.I.G.)  Note that since nobody outside of the rap world has ever
heard of him and that his claim of notoriety is a false one.

"Glorious"
(either another adjective or a reference to the glorious revolution)

        What I have gathered so far is that Smooth B is rapping and he wants
us to know that he considers himself to be notorious and glorious.  But here
is where is gets considerably more complex.

"Knowledge is infinite."
I think that once again he is making this claim about himself.  I think this
means that he knows everything.

"I live in a fortress."
I don't understand this line.  I mean, I know that he lives in a fortress,
but what does it have to anything else he is talking about?  Maybe there are
some lyrics further in the song that explain what he is talking about.

"I know of histories and mysteries."
Naturally he would, since he has already stated that his knowledge is
infinite.

"Not materialistic, simplistic."
Now this is odd.  Would someone who is not materialistic live in a fortress?
As I look around at my fort-like surroundings I think about my hoarde of
gold and diamonds that my fortress protects and this just makes me think that
Smooth B is a liar!  Why would he live in a fortress if he had nothing to
protect?

"I should get an endorsement for creating fresh lines."
Now this statement, although it seems to make absolutely no sense, seems to
refute his claim that he is not materialistic.  I believe that this
endorsement that Smooth B is planning on mysteriously getting would increase
SMooth B's material wealth.  This is not to say that all acquisition of
wealth is materialistic, but he's obviously obsessed with it if he's rapping
about it.  Alls I have to say is that if I was a serious rapper I would try
not to contradict my own messages from song to song, not to mention having
huge contradictions within each individual song.  But such is the way these
"rap-pers" live, day to day and thay don't care about anything but
themselves!  On top of this I think he is talking about lines of cocaine!!!
Cocain is bad some say.

"Spreading peace and love throughout my travels/
and taking time to read and unravel."
Maybe this is taken a bit out of context, but it sounds like he is actually
sreading himself around the world physically and this is making him unravel
and die.  This makes me sad, but if his true purpose is to be consumed by
the world then maybe he is less materialistic than I thought.  Maybe he was
going to give that endorsement to sick children and poor people.  Maybe he
had that in mind when he said this next quote, which I will let stand alone
without comment as an end to this fine article.

"I'm not a sandwich, more like a manwich."

                     The end


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Issue #16 January 12th, 2001