/-----------------------------------------------------------------------\ | <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Phrankie Wizbone's Guide >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> | | | | /////////////////// to Successful Skitchin' \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ | \-----------------------------------------------------------------------/ '98 DISCLAIMER: If you get hurt any time after reading this as a result of anything you learned from this phile, sucks to be you, cuz I'm am in no way, shape, or form, responsible for anything you're stupid enough to try. /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ di9 i7? \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ #1. WHA? Firstly, you're probably wondering, what IS skitching? Well, my inquisitive friend, skitching is simply grabbing on to the back of a moving vehicle while on rollerblades, or a skateboard (if you're stupid-read on to find out why) and hitching a quick ride. Now, yeah, I'm a hacker by trade, and you're probably reading this on a hack/phreak page. So, why did I write this? Why not? I mean, we've gotta find some way to get around from telco buildings to home, or whatever, and for those of us who are too cheap to get insurance or too lazy/stupid to get a license, a pair of $150 blades is perfect for quick, and simple transportation. #2. Equipment! Okay, now here are some things you should have for a successful skitch. (a) Helmet - Now, I don't wear one, but it might be a good idea. After all, you'll be travelling at 40-60+ km/hour and if you slip off the vehicle or something, your head is road pizza. A simple bike helmet will do the trick, but if you really feel like being 31337 you can wear a motor cycle helmet. Also, the visor on a motorbike helmet would be great for improving your vision. Keep in mind, you've got wind blowing in your eyes. (b) Pads (with wings) - If you're deeply into rollerhockey, etc, then you probably have all the gear: Knee-pads, elbo-pads, wrist-guards, condoms, etc. Well, those are all a good idea. The last thing you want is to slip off a bumper and thrash your knee. What do I recommend? Well, elbo pads are overrated and cumbersome. Usually, if you hit something, it will be your hands, your knees, or your ass that catches the asphalt. So, that leaves knee pads and wrist guards. I wear wrist guards but no knee pads. I was going to buy some pads for my knees, but I got too cheap and decided to spend the $20 on a CD or some shit like that. I like the wrist guards though, cuz they save your hands, and your wrists from a brutal thrashing, as well as they make it easier to grab onto things. Some people might disagree, but I find they do. (c) Eye protection - Sounds weird, eh? Well, it's true. You've got wind, bugs, dirt, dust, and other debris flying at your face in many instances, so keeping your eyes covered is a good idea. If you get a bug in your mouth, who cares, extra protein. If you get a bug in your eye, you could flinch and lose your grip. I wear a pair of $20 bike goggles with side ventilation to prevent fogging. They work great. You COULD just wear sunglasses, but there's a better chance of those falling off. Ski goggles, a visor, anything. Whatever, just get something over your eyes. (d) Knap sack - All good phreaks will carry a bag for their goodies. Common sense alert: using a backpack with two shoulder straps makes skitching easier. Purses, duffle bags, and even those little fanny/hip packs are a pain in the ass. (e) Clothing - It might be a good idea to wear some so some old lady doesn't report a "naked kid skating around". Seriously, I want to keep it clear that wearing something like leather or denim will reduce the rash factor a whole wack. But, as usual, I don't follow my own advice, so you don't have to either. I wear shorts and a t-shirt or a sweater usually. (heh heh) #3. Scoping yer ride... Now, there are some things to look for in what you're going to skitch off of. I've done alot of thinking about this, and here are my conclusions. Heed them. When you're skitching, what you're looking for is something you can hang off of in case you're in trouble. Vehicles that are good for this are pickups and city/telco vans. Why? With a pickup, you hang on to the tailgate, and when you hit a ragged road, you just pull yourself up, and kneel on the bumper. Real easy stuff! With utility vans, there are usually those little ladders at the back. Those are sweet, cuz you can hang on with those, and if something happens, just jump on up onto the rungs of the ladder. Simple. Now, compare this to a car. You COULD hang on the bumper of some fucking toyota or something. But you can't grip it too well, and your stance will be one that won't be too great for balance. "Ah!" you're saying, "but what about cars with fins/spoilers?" Uh! Looks like you got me there! ...hah... No, these suck too, cuz most of those things won't be able to support your weight if you try to pull on them. Besides, I wouldn't sit on the back of some dude's slippery car. That's no good. Speedbumps can be a bitch. #4. Watching the road. Know your roads. Make sure where you're gonna be going is safe to glide on. No bumps, potholes, gravel, cracks, etc. You can still always get over all of these, but it's hard, and it makes it a hell of a lot easier to avoid them altogether. Main thing, don't ride a road you don't feel comfortable on. #5. Catching the breeze~~~ Now that you've got your gear, know what kind of vehicles to go for, it's time to actually get down and do it. All you've gotta do, is blade down the street towards an intersection, or stop sign where your target is parked. It's the sweetest if you time it just right so that you won't have to stop, just float up behind them and grab on as they start going. It's much easier to start on a moving vehicle than a stopped one. Plus, you have less of a chance of getting noticed. If you think they see you, don't worry, it's easier just to give up right away and make it look like you were using them to slow down or something. This leads to my next topic... #6. Getting away! If you just happen to skitch off some spazoid piece of senile old shit who throws a hissy fit cuz you're yanking on his bumper, you'd better take off. These bastards don't take 'sorry' as a reasonable answer for 'why the hell you were trying to get yourself killed'. Nope. Just back off, fast... What's the worst they could do? They could run you over if they're really psycho. They probably won't do that, but if you beat it, they'll probably sure come close and do they're best to find out where you live by following you. Your best bet, take as many pedways, sidewalks, etc, so that you can get as much distance between you and their car as easily as possible. Stairs are great for this if you happen to find yourself getting circled in a mezzanine or underground parking lot. Remember, you've got blades, there's no where you can't go. Running up stairs is easy, just make sure you hang onto the rails. Another thing that's real handy is a fence. Cars can't go over fences, and if there's a fence, the psycho-bitch chasing you will probably have to drive around the block to get to the other side. To climb a chainlink fence nice and easy, just use your front wheels. They fit perfect-like into the little holes. Once you're up, just fall onto the ground onto the other side. Or, land on your feet... it's your call. #7. Final words... Okay, dudes, and dudettes, now you know everything I know, and probably more... somehow... Anyway, the main theme here, is DON'T do anything you don't feel comfortable doing, and don't try anything you think you could hurt yourself doing. You know the last thing you want to do is mash those beautiful typing fingers. Oh, and one last thing, don't skitch cops. Endz. ________________________ __________________ \ ____________________ \ / ________________ \ \ \ \ \ / / \ \ \ \ \ \_/ / \ \ \ \ Bad isn't good u \___/ rse stuff happens \ \ \ \ n o \ \ \ \________________ til w _____________________\ \ \________________ \ / _______________________\ \ \ / / \ \_/ / \___/ wizbone@underwriters.com http://members.tripod.com/~Wizbone